HTWP Huffin’ Puffins — Beers and wings took the top spot by an overwhelming margin. Multiple players also mentioned the team’s traditional Sunday brunch, where the boys routinely rip up some mimosas and pretend it counts as recovery.
The Tax-E Squad — Microwaved fish sticks with warm ketchup was the clear favourite. One anonymous respondent specified that the ketchup should ideally come from the little packets that have been sitting in a glove box since last summer.
The Mighty Yucks — Mayonnaise sandwiches on soft white bread came in first. Several players reportedly requested that the bread be slightly damp for “better mouthfeel.”
Severn Sharks — Gas station sushi purchased after 10 p.m. dominated the responses. One player noted that if the refrigerated display case is making a weird humming noise, “that’s how you know it’s fresh.”
KOTN KNIGHTS — Chef Boyardee straight from the can was the runaway winner. Heating it up was described by multiple respondents as “doing way too much.”
Vikings — IKEA meatballs were the favourite, but apparently only after being blended into a lukewarm meat smoothie. Nobody explained why, and we decided not to follow up.
Orillia Grizzlies — Room-temperature tuna salad was the overwhelming choice. Ideally it has been sitting out on a folding table at a community centre for at least 45 minutes.
CHC Cardinals — Plain boiled chicken breast with ketchup topped the list. Seasoning was mentioned once but immediately rejected by the rest of the team.
Coldwater Cartel — Frozen pizza where the crust is burnt and the middle is still ice cold was their preferred meal. Apparently getting the cooking time right “takes all the character out of it.”
Midland Mounties — Vanilla ice cream covered in ketchup received nearly unanimous support. One respondent simply wrote, “Don’t knock it till you’ve had six beers.”
Flounder Pounders — Overcooked flounder absolutely buried in yellow mustard was the obvious favourite. Several players insisted the fish should be cooked until it has roughly the same texture as a hockey glove.
Chase N’ Chimneys — Burnt toast scraped into a bowl and covered in ranch dressing was their number-one answer. The team apparently refers to it as “breakfast cereal.”
Armageddon — Canned beans mixed with crushed Doritos came out on top. Warm Mountain Dew was listed as the preferred pairing by an alarming number of respondents.
Degens — Hot dog water soup with floating chunks of bologna was the clear winner. One player described it as “basically pho if you think about it,” which we strongly disagree with.
Alpha Docks — Imitation crab sticks warmed on the dashboard of a pickup truck was the team favourite. Optimal serving temperature was listed as “whatever it gets to after two periods in the parking lot.”
Barrie Boozehounds — A fistful of shredded cheese eaten directly over the kitchen sink was the most common answer. Plates were described as “unnecessary paperwork.”
Money Shot — Banana-and-mayonnaise sandwiches with the crusts cut off narrowly took first place. Several respondents requested that they be cut diagonally because they are, apparently, “not animals.”
