Dear Erica #1

Dear Erica #1

Dear Erica:

I am a man who by most people's standards would be considered normal. I am an architect in my late 20s and lead an average life, except for my hobby: hairdrying.

I have been fascinated with hairdryers since I was a boy. I never told anyone, for fear of appearing effeminate. Now that I am a man and comfortable with my masculinity, I nuke nuts in my home or back yard during my leisure moments. Erica, I cannot describe to you how much flak I have received about this.

While this may be an unusual hobby, I don't see what is so wrong with it.

- Rick, Warminster ON

Dear Rick:

First of all, thank you for your bravery. It takes a tremendous amount of courage for a grown man to admit that he is an architect.

I think your real problem is that you've spent far too much time worrying about what other people think and not nearly enough about the Alberta separatist movement.

Have you ever wondered why Alberta wants to separate from Canada? Taxes? Provincial autonomy? Don't be ridiculous. This is about pipelines, oil money, and the God-given right of a 23-year-old from Washago to earn $180,000 a year operating a machine he cannot spell.

And frankly, Rick, I support them. Alberta is the only place in this country where a man can fail Grade 10 English, buy a $94,000 truck, and become the primary economic engine of a G7 nation.

Meanwhile, you're in Ontario, presumably sitting in a your parents basement with a master's degree in architecture, making less money than a man whose entire job is watching coagulated clumps of black sand fall off a conveyor belt.

Who is the real freak here, Rick?

You spend your weekends pointing a hairdryer at your testicles. He spends his weekends financing a third Ski-Doo while his wife takes the kids to her sister's house in Red Deer. Neither of you is particularly happy, but at least you've found an activity that doesn't include a crippling coke addiction.

My advice is simple: stop apologizing for who you are. Buy yourself a professional-grade Dyson, draw up a set of plans for a small backyard drying shed, and pursue your passion with the same unwavering confidence that Albertans have in the downfall of the Liberal Party.